A COACHING BLOG FOR THE SPIRIT
January 7, 2020
Whether people have had spiritual experiences that were filled with light and intense love, or experiences that reflected fear, darkness, and condemnation, they can’t help but to be changed at depth, or become intensely motivated to change their life in some significant way.
Being visited by infinite unconditional love that defies explanation begins to break down our ego defenses. Whether it happens quickly and creates a crisis, or slowly and gently, they cannot help but to begin to crumble in the presence of Great Love. Even the dark experiences come to us to guide and motivate us to love ourselves and others more and move closer to and trust our goodness. In my own experience, and in visiting with others who have also been visited by the Great Love, I am convinced of the existence of a primordial Source Consciousness. If It is energy, and It is that, It is energy with consciousness. A singularity. It knows you and yet It has no desire to own you, to pull you into itself and keep you from your journey. It has no idea of you except as a part of Itself. It expresses no need to change or fix you, It only offers guidance and course correction to end your suffering. It knows there is nothing other than itself and you are that as well. This mystery of infinite consciousness and existence is a mystery indeed.
You notice I don’t call the Light or Great Love a he or she. In my experience It is neither, so It’s an It to me. The funny thing about being exposed to the mystery of the Great Love is that existence and consciousness becomes even more of a mystery, at least for me anyway!
One thing I have learned and know to be true, as we integrate our spiritual journey into our lived daily experience in this dimension, life begins to get very simple.
We find that what matters the most is becoming a purer lover of life, self, and others. Dedication to being of service to love, beauty, truth, and the well being of ourselves and others begins to take precedence over things like being right or defending the image of ourselves that would make us feel the safest. We find a special function for our time here without needing to be special.
We become more and more willing to master our egos from our higher nature, examining how we may be blocking the flow of Divinity from expressing in a way only we can bring to the world. We may become aware of cognitive distortions and dissonance that have caused us suffering our whole lives. We may become aware of beliefs about ourselves and the world that prevent us from having the courage to live out the special function we discovered was ours. As this willingness increases our personalities begin to change for the better.
Below are a few ways that spiritual integration helps us be better humans by addressing the seemingly complex ways we avoid self-awareness. These are just a few examples of the results of spiritual integration coaching that I have witnessed in my own life, and in the lives of my clients over the last 12 years.
Humility vs. Humiliation
Failure. Ugh. That sinking feeling in your gut when things didn’t work out quite the way you intended, and then you must face the world, humiliated. The pain in the chest when you think about people finding out what you prefer to keep hidden. We have all been there to some degree. Making the shift from being humiliated to having the humility to face our judgements, expectations, perceptions, beliefs, and possibly our choices takes strength, and support. In SINC, (Spiritual INtegration Coaching) we work with humiliation as a symptom of judgement, and then go into the subconscious mind to find the point of our development that created the belief or experience of judgement and bring the light to that point. Humility is an opening to the light! Not a doorway to being eternally condemned.
Humility brings spaciousness to our judgments so that we can find other meanings and determine what strengths we want to develop. We also develop healthy new strategies for being with real disappointment rather than beating ourselves up for not accomplishing our intentions.
Understanding vs. Guilt and Shame
The antidote for guilt and shame is understanding. Because there are so many reasons why we could feel guilt and shame we look at them as Dr. Hawkins would suggest, as an energy field, a non-linear attractor field. In SINC we go to work within both the conscious and subconscious mind to be with what usually shows up in guilt and shame; condemnation, rejection, worthlessness, helplessness, and hopelessness. Being with, bringing our awareness to the inner experience instead of avoiding it, helps to break the energetic resistance to understanding what our Spirit would have us know about the issue at hand.
A person’s Spirit gives each person their own answer as to the next steps to take to move into a more empowering position about their situation. Their integrated Spirit empowers them, strengthens them, and their new understanding creates freer expression, creativity, and spontaneity.
Presence vs. Defensiveness
People come to coaching for many reasons. To learn and practice new skills, to level-up in their relationships, finances, health or at work, or to work through dilemmas. If you work with someone long enough, you will find some degree of defensiveness when you hit a deeply held belief, or perhaps an unmet need or desire. If people could choose presence and connect to their Spirit instead of becoming defensive, they probably wouldn’t be choosing to stay in an unhealthy or unsatisfying situation just for the hope of having some small portion of a need met.
Coaching Presence is a coaching industry term which describes a characteristic that coaches must cultivate to develop mastery. Presence means that a coach practices deep self-awareness of themselves and their clients within the context of the coaching conversation. They give their full undivided attention to their clients so that they can reflect what they are observing. Intuition plays a big part in developing coaching presence so that a coach can learn to trust their intuition in support of the client. In the way a coach practices presence to not impose our meanings or goals onto a client, we teach clients the art of presence through demonstration and applying a form of self-inquiry practice called noticing and “being with” homework with our clients.
By helping our clients cultivate the ability to notice and be with themselves, they naturally increase their ability to be present with what arises. Even if they can’t shift out of a disempowering experience when they first notice it, they now have the awareness of what is happening so they can bring it to their coaching session to work on.
Acceptance vs. Image Making
Self-Image, we all have an image of ourselves. From the moments our brains begin developing in utero, the brain begins recording what it notices and creates neural pathways about its experiences. It does this through the age of 7. Our model of the world, relationships, our worth, and place in the world are formed before we have any control over it. And those models of the world, and the beliefs we make about them, may move so deeply into our subconscious that as adults we have no idea why we are depressed or can’t seem to elicit change. This is one way cognitive dissonance and distortions take hold of our lived experience. This article is too short to discuss in length cognitive dissonance, distortions, and the many other ways our self-image is created. But when our image, be it inflated or deflated, gets in the way of engaging in psycho-spiritual developmental tasks like shadow work, self-inquiry, and developing healthier strategies for dealing with life’s challenges, sustained growth and happiness remain elusive.
Image making occurs when we are attempting to defend positions, beliefs, and habits that support our model of the world, even when those models do not net the results we want. Image making is a defense that does not allow for deep self-inquiry.
Spiritual integration requires acknowledgement and acceptance with what is happening in our lives instead of defending why it is happening. Acceptance is the not the first step to change, but it is vitally important. Once we can accept what is, the resistance to developing deeper self-awareness and reaching out for support begins to soften. Then we can begin to look at the false images we have been creating to uphold the unhelpful beliefs we have been holding onto.
The end result? Improved positive self-esteem, positive self-expression, increased resilience, increased confidence, and more engagement in healthy relationships to name few.
I would love the opportunity to facilitate your learning, growth, and development as a Spiritual Integration Coach. For more information about coach training classes beginning in April 2020, or to become a Spiritual Integration client please call me at 806-928-7242 or 806-337-0444.
Love and Compassion to All,
In the 21st century, we need a new coaching theory, a new focus for working with people that honors the breadth and depth of consciousness, and the mystery of the working of the indwelling Spirit. Strictly working with clients from a worldly goal-oriented process is no longer appropriate, respectful, or helpful to empower our clients to experience the fullness of who and what they are. As we evolve as a species, it is not enough to be materially fulfilled. The literal survival of the planet and our communities relies on our ability to take a higher perspective than a “what’s in it for me?” attitude to find balanced solutions for the whole, and the individuals we work with.
A sick soul devoid of awareness of its connection to its own spirit, its own nature, manifests in a myriad of ways. We miss cues that cause us to stay in unhealthy relationships, invest our resources in ways that do not support our health and wealth. We misunderstand what dilemmas are for, and don’t allow ourselves to be with the uncomfortable experiences they give us the opportunity to grow through. It is time we offer coaching clients more than a simple goal-oriented process to create solutions that allow the fullness of a person’s humanity to be explored, experienced, and enacted in service to their Self actualization. Coaching a person’s Spirit requires a coach really understand spiritual integration as a fully human process that affects everyone.
Spiritual Integration Coaching is a blend of transformational and transpersonal coaching that creates space for the exploration and expression of everyone’s innate Spirit. It is in the access to the higher realms of awareness we find spontaneous solutions, healing, purpose, and meaning. Transformational coaching seeks empowerment, transpersonal coaching seeks a deep awareness and of the subconscious and super conscious self for the purpose of grounding the wisdom of the inner, or “higher” self into expression. When we join these processes together, we have a coaching process that honors and values both the linear and non-linear experiences of life, both the personal and the impersonal, the material and immaterial.
How do we then work with people who feel that inner stirring of needing to experience and express something more, something deeply connected and yet freeing? Whether we are working with people who are numbed out from the daily demands of their lives, or with those who are trying to find meaningful inclusion in a world they don’t feel connected to, or with people who have had non-linear, non-ordinary states of consciousness experiences, (otherwise known as spiritually transformative experiences, spiritual emergence, or awakening) we must find a new way of empowering our clients to find connection to, and expression of, that elusive “something more”, and to empower those who have had transcendent spiritual experiences to develop their own meaning and expression of the content of those experiences.
Why? What is so important about creating sacred space for our clients to consciously connect to their Spirit and create space for its expression?
I have worked for the last 12 years with people from all over the world seeking help with troubling aspects of awakening. These are people who have been waking up to their own innate Spirit and they have been discontent and distraught over the inability to successfully communicate that increased wakefulness into improved relationships, professions, and a sense of overall wellbeing and belonging on the planet. One of my favorite questions to someone who says they are awake or waking up is, “What are you waking up to?” Many pause and find they are waking up to an awareness of just how “wrong, incomplete, unsatisfied, disconnected, or false” their lives actually feel.
When a person has an emerging spiritual awareness, they often realize they don’t know who they are anymore or discover new values and what was once important no longer means the same thing. This is the time in spiritual emergence that you see people’s lives turn into some degree of chaos, whether expressed externally or not. It is as if they have been in a cocoon for a very long time and then suddenly burst forth as a butterfly with nowhere to go. They may quit jobs, file for divorce, leave behind family and friends, or go on journeys to give space for this new emerging self to explore and experiment. Or perhaps they choose to live the same lives in discontent in an attempt to protect an old self-image and status quo. Some of these changes and choices may be inevitable and for the best, but how do we know that for sure? Then there are the darker aspects of awakening, the potential ostracization from family, friends, and communities, extra-marital affairs, addictions, and suicide to mitigate their felt lack of connection and belonging in the world, and/or confusion as to what is happening to them. Sometimes when people feel this stirring, they realize just how out of integrity they have been, and experience intense grief, guilt, and shame.
So, how can we support people to slow down and take the time to safely be with the material arising out of their souls and Spirits and integrate them in a way that creates more safety and maintains a space for them to discover what from their pre-awakening life is still important and valuable? How do we be with them as coaches? How do we hold space for the unfoldment of the love and wisdom of their Spirits into their lives to mitigate and potentially recover from some of the more difficult challenges?
Spiritual Integration Coaching must first become a form of spiritual practice for the coach based on their own spiritual orientation and beliefs. Once trained in Spiritual Integration Coaching, coaches develop the ability to connect with their clients beyond the use of normal coaching tools and assessments. We discover new layers and levels of our own presence that activates our own internal wisdom. That deeper wisdom informs our powerful questioning guiding clients more deeply into their own self-inquiry. We learn to empty ourselves safely while holding healthy boundaries.
Second, the level of safety clients experience in Spiritual Integration Coaching gives them permission to be more honest as we are not helping them build or tear down images, but are supporting them to discover and express their innate essence and nature that has been covered by their enculturation.
And perhaps for the first time, clients develop the ability to connect with their essence, goodness, and genius. The support they receive through this deep coaching process eventually allows the expression of these innate qualities.
Spiritual Integration Coaching creates safe space and supports people who have had spiritual experiences such as out-of-body experiences, awakenings, near-death experiences, psychedelic experiences, psychic openings, after-death communication, alien contact, etc. who are either having difficulty processing and accepting that the experience even happened, or having difficulty being with the content of the experience, and the resulting challenges and changes that arise from the experience.
We take a balanced approach to looking at a person’s developmental needs to help them accomplish their goals with increased presence and wisdom, without spiritually bypassing the important life challenges and areas of growth their spirit is ready to express.
In this broad sense, Spiritual Integration Coaching is not restricted to working only with people who consider themselves spiritual or religious. This form of deep coaching can be used in executive coaching, health coaching, parent coaching, or any other coaching niche to draw out the deeper underlying issues that are the substrate to that which is blocking our clients from obtaining greater life satisfaction.
That being said, this model was developed through my own spiritual integration of many non-linear, non-ordinary states of consciousness experiences and from my own journey of fulfillment and psycho-spiritual development. And has been refined over the last 12 years with others who also have had spiritual experiences that made them question the nature of reality, their identities, and place in the world.
Spiritual Integration Coaching is not a new age philosophy espousing love, light, and good vibes only. That is a simplistic and potentially dangerous position that supports spiritual bypassing, and thus suppresses and represses very real feelings of insecurity, low self-esteem, emotional wounds, trauma, unhelpful personality constructs, etc. and allows them to go unattended, delaying transformation. It is a deep exploration of a person’s essence and the blocks that may be in the way of experiencing and expressing their inherent goodness.
The bottom line, supporting the grounding of my client’s Spirit into the core experiences of physical life has netted some of the most life changing self-awareness, creativity, spontaneity, increased moral behavior, problem solving, courage, forgiveness, acceptance, willingness, reason, and love than any other model or technique I have worked with.
I would love the opportunity to facilitate your learning, growth, and development as a Spiritual Integration Coach. For more information about coach training classes beginning in April 2020, or to become a Spiritual Integration client please call me at 806-337-0444.
Love and Compassion to All,